I’ve noticed something that happens to us youth workers around our mid-30′s, or so. We find ourselves unable to naturally relate to teenagers. Most of us have reached a point where we don’t automatically pick up on their references like we did in our 20′s. They mention a fad or a movie and we realize we have no idea what they’re talking about. This happens enough, and it begins to bother us.

We begin to think that means we’re too old. We hear a clock ticking inside of us. We say something like, “I’ve lost my relevance.”

There are other signs, as well . . .

The needle on our fun-meter is not as often moved by the games and the recreation. We think, “I need to move on to more adult things.”

We see our peers “advancing” to become Minister to Adults or Teaching Pastors. We say to ourselves, “I need to move on to real ministry.”

We see our friends leaving the ministry. We say to ourselves, “Is it time for me to quit playing around and get a real job?”

The problem with this scenario is that it comes at the precise time when we are positioned to do some of the most meaningful ministry of our lives (up to this point).

At the exact time when these feelings are banging around in our heads, many of us are just arriving at a point where we can really pour spiritual wisdom into the lives of those we lead. When I was leading students at age 25, if I was being transparent, I led as a peer as much as anything else. The 35 year old me and the 25 year old me have very little in common spiritually speaking. And it’s not just spiritual experience. I’ve lived life! In 10 years I’ve had three children, changed careers, lost a sibling and three grandparents, gone off to war, traveled and ministered around the world, and so on. I bet your story is similar.

In each of these situations, I’ve learned more about God and how He works in this world and in my life. My faith has been tested and stretched and shaped in ways I couldn’t have begun to imagine as a younger man. I bet you’d say the same.

Aren’t we in a better position to lead students in their faith based on our faith-shaping experiences?

I am a more effective discipler in large part because of the wisdom that God has worked in my life through these years.

The same can be said about your ability to lead others.

The same can be said about your ability to listen to others.

The same can be said about your patience, and your ability to work well with people who may be difficult to work with.

And one of the biggest tragedies of people leaving youth ministry at this critical stage in their lives is the wealth of practical knowledge that leaves with them.

It seems each week I encounter a youth worker who is just getting started. Some are just kids, some are moms and dads. I hear them asking me and others for help. Help with strategy. Help with methodology. Help with with their heart and vision. When youth ministers who have been in the game six, or eight, or ten years moves on, they take with them a treasure-trove of practical experience.

As a middle aged youth worker, you are in the best position to be a mentor to younger youth workers. And when you leave because it’s maybe not as “fun” anymore, or because you “feel” out of touch (when the truth is that you simply have to try a little harder), or because you’re envious of your friend who has “moved up” in the ministry world . . . when you walk away because of these things and NOT because of God’s leading, you rob youth and youth workers from the spiritual and practical wisdom that God has birthed in you.

When is a youth worker too old to be effective? Never. And as I’ve stated here, an argument could be made that you’re at your most effective with a little age under your belt.

Thoughts?

Andy Blanks is the co-founder of youthministry360. Andy has worked in youth ministry for 13 years, leading small groups and developing Bible study resources for several organizations. Andy is a volunteer youth leader with his church’s youth group, leading small groups, and speaking and teaching whenever he gets the chance. Andy blogs daily about discipleship at andyblanks.com.

As youth workers, our leadership revolves around leading students so obviously when we think about leadership we think about leading students. But the truth is, we also lead parents, adult volunteers and church leaders. So how do we balance our leadership? Doug shares a few tips on balancing leadership.

1. Personal

Start the mentoring sessions by talking about how the mentee is doing. What is happening in his/her life? How do they feel and what are their concerns. This will allow the mentor and mentee to connect and build community. This could also help each of them to remember the things they talked about the week before. This time is important for building trust.

2. Priority

What are the priorities and goals of the mentee for the week? Priorities give insight into the values of the mentee. They give the mentor good opportunities to ask follow-up questions and to dig deeper into the mentee’s life.  The answers to these questions will give the mentor indication of what the mentee needs to work on to grow in their walk with Christ.

3. Problems

The question the mentor wants to ask is “what problems are you facing and how can I help?” This question gives the mentee the opportunity to ask for help or seek advice. Often times the mentee comes to the mentoring sessions with questions and needs certain issues addressed in their lives.

4. Plan

This question is designed to help the mentee begin to think about a plan to reach his/her goals with the advice the mentee has acquired from the mentor. Discussing this plan gives the mentor the opportunity to ask questions about potential obstacles or road blocks the mentee might face.  Once a plan is put in place, the mentor needs to ask the mentee if they can hold them accountable for executing the plan. This part of the mentoring session is where the real growth will take place. The mentee knowing that the mentor will hold them accountable is more likely to carry out the plan and because of it experience growth.

5. Pray

Before praying together, take some time to share weakness and areas of life that need accountability. Then pray together. There is no better way to carry each other’s burdens then to pray with and for each other. Pray through the priorities, problems and plans the mentee has. Draw near to God and have him draw near to the both of you. Don’t just end your time in prayer, like it’s a check list item. This is a sacred time; be aware that God makes us for community and to share in each other’s struggles.

If you are not currently mentoring someone because you don’t know what to say, I hope these 5 P’s will encourage you to look for someone in your life who you can mentor. Mentoring has the power to guide people to Christ who are going through life’s ups and downs.

1. Time and space
People who like to fight are usually like a bull in a china shop. They come in like thunder and once they cool down they see thing in a new perspective. Give your fighters lots of time and space to think and cool down. Don’t react to their craziness, keep a cool head and soon things will settled down.

2. Explain why
Once the fighter has cooled down explain the thinking behind the decision. Fighters see only the truth they want to see. Explaining the reason you made a decision will go a long way to them understand the process of the decision.

3. Stand up
Fighters can be bullies so be ready to stand up against them. They will try all kinds of intimidation to get you to change your decisions but don’t. Bullies kill churches, people leave because of them. If you stand up, you will be helping a lot of other people who this person could hurt.

How Do You Leave a Ministry?

How do you leave something that you love? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for the past couple of weeks. On October 4th, I put in my 60 day notice at my church. I’ve been here four years and have loved every step of the way. We had always assumed that we would be at Greenwood forever, but about six months ago, God became to change our hearts and as a result we feel he’s re-ignited our passions for missions and church planting. We were always planning to church plant, we just thought that we be overseas and not in America. It’s been such a growing process for our family. Now that our decision is public, we have to deal with everything that comes from resigning from a ministry. Here are some things that I’m working through. The list isn’t perfect (or complete), but it gives you a chance to see my heart and maybe be encouraged.

1. Think about who you need to tell first

When you decide to leave a church, you need to be intentional about who you tell first. The last thing that you want happening is for the news to get out and be uncontrolled. For us, I told my team first. They have poured themselves out for the sake of the cross and I wanted them to hear the news from me. Laura and I even met with our Senior class (we’ve known them for 4 years) and told them in our living room. Lots of tears were shed that day! I encourage you to think through how you want to let people know and when. When I turned in my official letter of resignation, I specifically asked, that they allow me to tell students, parents, and my leaders. The church was very gracious and that allowed me to do a lot of telling before we officially announced in during Sunday services.

2. Expect to be a lame duck

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to deal with is the feeling that I’m a lame duck. Don’t get me wrong, I totally expected this to happen (and it should have), but it still takes you by surprise. One minute you are leading a team and have influence to shape stuff. That hasn’t gone away for me, but it has changed significantly. Use your time to give positive input. Let others around you rise up and become the new leaders. Use your influence to prepare them for greatness through Christ.

3. Let go

I turned in a 60 day notice. I think you should too. It gives everyone time to adjust and allows the shock of you leaving to wear off a bit. If you choose to give a long notice (like I have), then expect that once you become “lame duck” (I don’t mean that in a bad way), that you’ll see yourself becoming defensive of changes being made to the programs you’ve led. We need to realize that the ministry will change. Things will not go to pot. Christ is sufficient for all. The Holy Spirit wants to see success. I constantly find myself saying, “Be ok with things if they don’t do it your way. Your way isn’t necessarily the only way.” You should probably start telling yourself that too.

4. Tell those you care about how you feel

It goes without saying that you will have developed some strong relationships with people in your church. Sure, every church has people you’d rather not see or talk to, but I bet you’ve got some close friendships. Be sure to tell everyone you can what you’ve appreciated about them. Being thankful for how God has blessed you  is a disciple. Even if you’re leaving from a bad situation, God’s blessing wasn’t void. He always blesses (regardless of how some people may treat you).

5. Leave the bridges intact

Resist the temptation to use your new status “leaving” in a bad way. I had one well meaning lady (which I love) tell me that I should let people know what things need to change around my church now that I’m leaving. I chose not to do that. Sure, I have TONS of opinions, but it is not my place. I do not want to knick, hurt, or destroy any bridges here at Greenwood. I want to do everything possible to live at peace with everyone (See Romans 12:18). My opinions might be good opinions, but that doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone. Don’t volunteer your thoughts unless asked.

6. Prepare the way for the next guy/girl

Do everything you can to leave well and prepare for the next person coming into the ministry. God will give them a heart for the same people that you have loved. God will use them to shepherd the same situations you’ve been involved in. If we do not prepare for a solid transition, we could be adding fire to transition stress. I’ve went out of my way to tell people that life will go on without me. I’ve told students that the next guy (I have no idea who he is) will be awesome and they’ll love him. I’m mentioned that God is preparing a special person to love them and he’ll do a great job. Be that type of a leader. It’s not all about me (or you) leaving. Think with the end in mind for that ministry. Do no harm.

What are things that I’ve missed or that you’re learning?

Student Leaders are Church Leaders provides a simple way to weave student leadership development into the fabric of your ministry. You don’t have to start over, add another program to your already long list, or scratch your current plan. Youth ministry is still about outreach, evangelism, discipleship, missions, and worship; it’s just better when led by students. This book will help you understand the theory of student leadership while giving you practical steps you can take to give your students ownership of the ministry. Whether you have a student leadership program or you want to start one, this book will help your students lead now.

Download a free copy of Student Leaders are Church Leaders at http://www.leadertreks.org/ebooks/

A leader should be in a continual cycle of being poured into (being mentored) and pouring into someone else (serving as a mentor). This activity will help your students identify a person in their lives whom they could mentor. Encourage your students, when appropriate, to approach this person as a possible mentee. As the adult leader or youth pastor, it is wise to oversee this process.

A mentee is a person who is younger than you, or not as far along as you in their walk with Christ. You can encourage a mentee as they learn from your experience – doing what you found helpful and avoiding your mistakes. All you need is time and a willingness to help someone else.

Directions: List at least 5 characteristics, qualities or traits that you would look for in selecting a mentee.
A Mentee Should…
1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Explain the reason you think this attribute or quality is important.

Because…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Note to Facilitators:
Ideally, students should identify and approach a possible mentee. But realistically, they may not have time to work with both a mentor and a mentee. If so, first help them find a mentor who will be a trusted counselor, and one who will teach them how to mentor. Later, they can begin to mentor others, too.

1. We don’t understand leadership
Too often we think it’s something you have or not have. This is not
true, leadership is just a set of principles that you apply to
situations you face. Leadership can be learned even if you are an
adult. Every personality can lead. The problem is we have given
leadership to the loudest not to the most effective. Read books, listen
to teachers and change your behaviors, these actions will all lead to
greater leadership.

2. We don’t know ourselves
We spend time trying to be like other leaders we like that we don’t
spend time getting to know ourselves. Knowing how you operate can grow
your leadership. Study yourself, get to know what you do really well
and do that. Find others to do the other stuff. By dong just that you
will grow your leadership.

3. We don’t like leaders
We think leaders keep score and we don’t add up. I meet lots of youth
workers who actually hate leadership. They have had bad experiences
with past leaders or they dislike it when they are asking to take more
responsibility, so they think leadership is to blame. It’s not, and
they need to grow up.

4. We don’t think ministry should have leaders.
We just want to love people and help them. Leadership is a waste of
time because it has nothing to do with helping people. College
students tell me this a lot. This would be true if Jesus asked us to
work alone but he didn’t; he asked us to serve him in community and
communities need leaders.

5. We are afraid
Leadership requires risk and some people don’t like risk. The sad part
is some of these people migrate to ministry. The only way this changes
in this world is when someone takes a risk and steps out. God made
this world and he made the rules of human nature. He knows and
understands risk. Christ’s life on earth was all about risk. If you
struggle with risk start small and work your way up to bigger risks
but start taking them.