I’ve noticed something that happens to us youth workers around our mid-30′s, or so. We find ourselves unable to naturally relate to teenagers. Most of us have reached a point where we don’t automatically pick up on their references like we did in our 20′s. They mention a fad or a movie and we realize we have no idea what they’re talking about. This happens enough, and it begins to bother us.

We begin to think that means we’re too old. We hear a clock ticking inside of us. We say something like, “I’ve lost my relevance.”

There are other signs, as well . . .

The needle on our fun-meter is not as often moved by the games and the recreation. We think, “I need to move on to more adult things.”

We see our peers “advancing” to become Minister to Adults or Teaching Pastors. We say to ourselves, “I need to move on to real ministry.”

We see our friends leaving the ministry. We say to ourselves, “Is it time for me to quit playing around and get a real job?”

The problem with this scenario is that it comes at the precise time when we are positioned to do some of the most meaningful ministry of our lives (up to this point).

At the exact time when these feelings are banging around in our heads, many of us are just arriving at a point where we can really pour spiritual wisdom into the lives of those we lead. When I was leading students at age 25, if I was being transparent, I led as a peer as much as anything else. The 35 year old me and the 25 year old me have very little in common spiritually speaking. And it’s not just spiritual experience. I’ve lived life! In 10 years I’ve had three children, changed careers, lost a sibling and three grandparents, gone off to war, traveled and ministered around the world, and so on. I bet your story is similar.

In each of these situations, I’ve learned more about God and how He works in this world and in my life. My faith has been tested and stretched and shaped in ways I couldn’t have begun to imagine as a younger man. I bet you’d say the same.

Aren’t we in a better position to lead students in their faith based on our faith-shaping experiences?

I am a more effective discipler in large part because of the wisdom that God has worked in my life through these years.

The same can be said about your ability to lead others.

The same can be said about your ability to listen to others.

The same can be said about your patience, and your ability to work well with people who may be difficult to work with.

And one of the biggest tragedies of people leaving youth ministry at this critical stage in their lives is the wealth of practical knowledge that leaves with them.

It seems each week I encounter a youth worker who is just getting started. Some are just kids, some are moms and dads. I hear them asking me and others for help. Help with strategy. Help with methodology. Help with with their heart and vision. When youth ministers who have been in the game six, or eight, or ten years moves on, they take with them a treasure-trove of practical experience.

As a middle aged youth worker, you are in the best position to be a mentor to younger youth workers. And when you leave because it’s maybe not as “fun” anymore, or because you “feel” out of touch (when the truth is that you simply have to try a little harder), or because you’re envious of your friend who has “moved up” in the ministry world . . . when you walk away because of these things and NOT because of God’s leading, you rob youth and youth workers from the spiritual and practical wisdom that God has birthed in you.

When is a youth worker too old to be effective? Never. And as I’ve stated here, an argument could be made that you’re at your most effective with a little age under your belt.

Thoughts?

Andy Blanks is the co-founder of youthministry360. Andy has worked in youth ministry for 13 years, leading small groups and developing Bible study resources for several organizations. Andy is a volunteer youth leader with his church’s youth group, leading small groups, and speaking and teaching whenever he gets the chance. Andy blogs daily about discipleship at andyblanks.com.

How Do You Leave a Ministry?

How do you leave something that you love? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for the past couple of weeks. On October 4th, I put in my 60 day notice at my church. I’ve been here four years and have loved every step of the way. We had always assumed that we would be at Greenwood forever, but about six months ago, God became to change our hearts and as a result we feel he’s re-ignited our passions for missions and church planting. We were always planning to church plant, we just thought that we be overseas and not in America. It’s been such a growing process for our family. Now that our decision is public, we have to deal with everything that comes from resigning from a ministry. Here are some things that I’m working through. The list isn’t perfect (or complete), but it gives you a chance to see my heart and maybe be encouraged.

1. Think about who you need to tell first

When you decide to leave a church, you need to be intentional about who you tell first. The last thing that you want happening is for the news to get out and be uncontrolled. For us, I told my team first. They have poured themselves out for the sake of the cross and I wanted them to hear the news from me. Laura and I even met with our Senior class (we’ve known them for 4 years) and told them in our living room. Lots of tears were shed that day! I encourage you to think through how you want to let people know and when. When I turned in my official letter of resignation, I specifically asked, that they allow me to tell students, parents, and my leaders. The church was very gracious and that allowed me to do a lot of telling before we officially announced in during Sunday services.

2. Expect to be a lame duck

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to deal with is the feeling that I’m a lame duck. Don’t get me wrong, I totally expected this to happen (and it should have), but it still takes you by surprise. One minute you are leading a team and have influence to shape stuff. That hasn’t gone away for me, but it has changed significantly. Use your time to give positive input. Let others around you rise up and become the new leaders. Use your influence to prepare them for greatness through Christ.

3. Let go

I turned in a 60 day notice. I think you should too. It gives everyone time to adjust and allows the shock of you leaving to wear off a bit. If you choose to give a long notice (like I have), then expect that once you become “lame duck” (I don’t mean that in a bad way), that you’ll see yourself becoming defensive of changes being made to the programs you’ve led. We need to realize that the ministry will change. Things will not go to pot. Christ is sufficient for all. The Holy Spirit wants to see success. I constantly find myself saying, “Be ok with things if they don’t do it your way. Your way isn’t necessarily the only way.” You should probably start telling yourself that too.

4. Tell those you care about how you feel

It goes without saying that you will have developed some strong relationships with people in your church. Sure, every church has people you’d rather not see or talk to, but I bet you’ve got some close friendships. Be sure to tell everyone you can what you’ve appreciated about them. Being thankful for how God has blessed you  is a disciple. Even if you’re leaving from a bad situation, God’s blessing wasn’t void. He always blesses (regardless of how some people may treat you).

5. Leave the bridges intact

Resist the temptation to use your new status “leaving” in a bad way. I had one well meaning lady (which I love) tell me that I should let people know what things need to change around my church now that I’m leaving. I chose not to do that. Sure, I have TONS of opinions, but it is not my place. I do not want to knick, hurt, or destroy any bridges here at Greenwood. I want to do everything possible to live at peace with everyone (See Romans 12:18). My opinions might be good opinions, but that doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone. Don’t volunteer your thoughts unless asked.

6. Prepare the way for the next guy/girl

Do everything you can to leave well and prepare for the next person coming into the ministry. God will give them a heart for the same people that you have loved. God will use them to shepherd the same situations you’ve been involved in. If we do not prepare for a solid transition, we could be adding fire to transition stress. I’ve went out of my way to tell people that life will go on without me. I’ve told students that the next guy (I have no idea who he is) will be awesome and they’ll love him. I’m mentioned that God is preparing a special person to love them and he’ll do a great job. Be that type of a leader. It’s not all about me (or you) leaving. Think with the end in mind for that ministry. Do no harm.

What are things that I’ve missed or that you’re learning?

1. Make it cool
Its a privilege to serve Jesus all the days of your life, but we never tell students that. For God to make you a faithful servant in his kingdom is cool. To be an example of dependability means God trusts you and will give you many gifts and opportunities to serve him. Celebrate the first in, and give them confidence that God has done a special work in their lives.

2. Legacy
Teach students the power of legacy. Allow them to meet some of the faithful members of your church so they can see how a life lived for Christ can make a difference. Ask students why they think God has placed a special calling on their lives? Ask them what responsibility they have to serve? Challenge them to think about when they are 70, and how many people they will have influenced. Paint the picture for them of living a legacy.

3. Elite servants
I believe God has ordained some for special missions. Missions that require in-depth training. The training that I received from my parents and grandparents has given me a depth to my life that I would never have by just studying God’s word as an adult. I have a depth of faith that comes from years and years of seeing God work. I am more quick to take risks and I believe in the power of God, unlike many of my Christian brothers. As youth workers we need to challenge these types of students at a much deeper level. Instead of placing them on a pedestal and saying, “they got it,” lets challenge them to lead and take on special missions for Christ.

I have no doubt that it does. All of us will experience emotional or physical hurt in our lives we never anticipated. A story I came across recently reveals one of the keys to surviving our pain.

As the story goes, there once was a man who was sentenced to 25 years of backbreaking labor. His wrists were tied to the handle of a huge wheel that was inlaid in the wall. His job was to turn the wheel 10 hours a day. For years, day in and day out, the prisoner would wonder what he was doing with this wheel. What was the meaning of his work? What was on the other side of this wall? Was he grinding grain? Pulling up water? Moving some sort of conveyor belt? For 25 years he contemplated the meaning of his work, and for 25 years he spun that wheel. It was grueling, but he survived. When his sentence was complete he was released from prison. The first thing he did was run to the other side of the wall to see what he had been doing all this time. What did he see? Nothing! There was nothing attached to the wheel.  Upon discovering there was no purpose to those many years of suffering the man collapsed to the ground, had a heart attack and died.

Do you see the key to surviving our pain? It’s in believing that despite all evidences to the contrary there is an ultimate purpose on the other side of our pain, a purpose that is being worked out even as we struggle. Job, a man in the Bible who experienced more loss and pain in his life than we can imagine, never knew the unseen story that was unfolding while he suffered.  Satan had proposed a test to God, using Job as the guinea pig.  Although Job passed the test God never let him in on what was behind the test.  Yes, in the midst of his hurt he wondered why, but at some point he realized that through it all he had come to know God as never before.  In the end, that was all the explanation he needed and in the end, all his hurt was transformed into beauty.

The writer of Ecclesiastes says in chapter 3 verse 11, “God has made everything beautiful in its time”.  I believe that the degree to which you or those you love may be hurting right now can become the degree to which you will one day discover, unlike the man in our story, that there was a greater purpose behind the pain. Your hurt has meaning. Placed in God’s hands, it isn’t wasted.  On the other side of the wall there is beauty, and what you are going through today is a necessary part of the ultimate story God is writing of your life. It promises to be a best seller, and it WILL end well, whether in this life or the next.  ”It hurts!” will be replaced by “It’s beautiful!”.

Billy Graham is an excellent example of a leader who demonstrates
exemplary character. The influence of this man has reached far across
the globe. It is estimated that he has preached to more live
audiences than any one else in history, at least 210 million people in
over 185 countries and territories. He has written over two dozen books,
many of which have appeared on top best-selling lists. He has counseled US
presidents and other dignitaries from around the world. In fact it is
estimated that Billy has met more important world leaders than anyone
else alive today.

What has been the secret of Mr. Graham’s success as a leader? Under
girding all of his hard work and accomplishments is his integrity.
People listen to what he has to say because they know he strives to
live out those same principles in his own life. Billy is so committed
to avoiding any indication of impropriety that he never travels alone.
He takes extreme care to protect his integrity and people follow him
for it.

Risk Taking
Risk taking is a key to being a champion. Teams become comfortable and content. A defining moment for a champion is that moment in time when they stand up, take a risk and push their team on to better things. Risk is the power to leap frog a team into success. We teach our students that timing is everything when taking a risk. Whether it be when a team is down and out or when they are working well together a champion can stand up take a risk and champion their team onto greatness.

Problem Solving
A champion must also be able to solve problems. In order to teach students to solve problems we prescribe a simple process:
First of all be sure you are solving the right problem. Often times students try to solve problems but begin solving the wrong problem. I was once with a team who was convinced that the problem was that weak people kept spilling wheel barrels on a large concrete pour. They “solved” the problem by not allowing girls to run wheel barrels. They soon realized that guys were just as apt to spilling wheel barrels. They had solved the wrong problem. Eventually they realized that all they had to do was put less concrete in the wheel barrels.

That night we had to do some major problem solving as the girls came to the team hurt and unappreciated. That night when we met together as a team one of the guys in our group immediately spoke up admitting the team’s wrong and began to reconcile the team using simple conflict resolution steps he had learned in pre-trip training.

Conflict Resolution
The following steps are vital in conflict resolution
-Let each person state his/her views
-Have neutral team members identify areas of agreement
-Explore areas of disagreement
-Have opponents suggest modifications to theirs/others point of view
-Ask opponents to accept team decision

That night the team dealt with the issues that had arisen during the work project, came to an agreement and moved on. The team made the correct changes this time and pushed hard for the next days of work.

Teams who have champions accomplish so much. At LeaderTreks we believe students can be leaders and champions. A champion is proficient in risk taking, problem solving and conflict resolution; all it takes is a little instruction and encouragement to see a student become a champion for their team. Often times student leaders look to someone else to carry the team. They worry about what people think more than getting the job done.

1. Solitude: I need to regularly set aside time for me to be quiet. For me that means waking up earlier, sitting in my family room with a cup of coffee. During those quiet morning times I am able to journal, pray, and read scripture. For me that’s what works. I can’t quiet my mind later on in the day, so I know I need to take time in the morning.

2. Time with my wife: Whether it is going on walks, reading together, watching a movie together, playing a game, going to flea markets, or just being in the same room together, I need regular time with just my wife. When I get this time I feel more grounded and life is more in balance for me. Plus, it’s just a ton of fun to hang out with her.

3. Time in community: I recharge when I get to spend quality time with people I love. My wife and I have two other couples in our lives that we love dearly and love hanging out with. These four other people have gone through a lot with us and we need them regularly in our lives. About a year ago we started getting together about once a month for Grub Club nights. We pick a theme and then all cook dinner together and play games. We spend half the night cooking and the whole night laughing. We’ve done Italian, Chinese, Mexican, Appetizer, Breakfast, and more. These nights are a great time of being together and so much fun.

That’s what I need in my life to keep me sane. What are the things you need?

1. Courage: Anytime we tell others about how we have come to know Christ, whether it is with Christians or especially non-Christians, it takes courage to reach past the fear and open with others. Yet when we are courageous, God shows up.

2. Passion: God has done amazing things in our lives and saved us from a life without him. Our passion for his love needs to be present when we share our grace stories, otherwise they seem contrived or untrue.

3. Preparation: Basically we need to be intentional with what we say and who we say it to. I’m sure when Paul stood up in Acts 21 and 22 and shared his faith with the hostile crowd, he has thought about what he would say ahead of time if he were ever in a situation like that. It’s not that we have to have a speech planned out; it’s that we give thought and consideration, and prayer, to what we say when we share our faith.

Grace stories. We all have them. Are we sharing them?

How about you? What are willing to do for God “Even If”?