I’ve noticed something that happens to us youth workers around our mid-30′s, or so. We find ourselves unable to naturally relate to teenagers. Most of us have reached a point where we don’t automatically pick up on their references like we did in our 20′s. They mention a fad or a movie and we realize we have no idea what they’re talking about. This happens enough, and it begins to bother us.

We begin to think that means we’re too old. We hear a clock ticking inside of us. We say something like, “I’ve lost my relevance.”

There are other signs, as well . . .

The needle on our fun-meter is not as often moved by the games and the recreation. We think, “I need to move on to more adult things.”

We see our peers “advancing” to become Minister to Adults or Teaching Pastors. We say to ourselves, “I need to move on to real ministry.”

We see our friends leaving the ministry. We say to ourselves, “Is it time for me to quit playing around and get a real job?”

The problem with this scenario is that it comes at the precise time when we are positioned to do some of the most meaningful ministry of our lives (up to this point).

At the exact time when these feelings are banging around in our heads, many of us are just arriving at a point where we can really pour spiritual wisdom into the lives of those we lead. When I was leading students at age 25, if I was being transparent, I led as a peer as much as anything else. The 35 year old me and the 25 year old me have very little in common spiritually speaking. And it’s not just spiritual experience. I’ve lived life! In 10 years I’ve had three children, changed careers, lost a sibling and three grandparents, gone off to war, traveled and ministered around the world, and so on. I bet your story is similar.

In each of these situations, I’ve learned more about God and how He works in this world and in my life. My faith has been tested and stretched and shaped in ways I couldn’t have begun to imagine as a younger man. I bet you’d say the same.

Aren’t we in a better position to lead students in their faith based on our faith-shaping experiences?

I am a more effective discipler in large part because of the wisdom that God has worked in my life through these years.

The same can be said about your ability to lead others.

The same can be said about your ability to listen to others.

The same can be said about your patience, and your ability to work well with people who may be difficult to work with.

And one of the biggest tragedies of people leaving youth ministry at this critical stage in their lives is the wealth of practical knowledge that leaves with them.

It seems each week I encounter a youth worker who is just getting started. Some are just kids, some are moms and dads. I hear them asking me and others for help. Help with strategy. Help with methodology. Help with with their heart and vision. When youth ministers who have been in the game six, or eight, or ten years moves on, they take with them a treasure-trove of practical experience.

As a middle aged youth worker, you are in the best position to be a mentor to younger youth workers. And when you leave because it’s maybe not as “fun” anymore, or because you “feel” out of touch (when the truth is that you simply have to try a little harder), or because you’re envious of your friend who has “moved up” in the ministry world . . . when you walk away because of these things and NOT because of God’s leading, you rob youth and youth workers from the spiritual and practical wisdom that God has birthed in you.

When is a youth worker too old to be effective? Never. And as I’ve stated here, an argument could be made that you’re at your most effective with a little age under your belt.

Thoughts?

Andy Blanks is the co-founder of youthministry360. Andy has worked in youth ministry for 13 years, leading small groups and developing Bible study resources for several organizations. Andy is a volunteer youth leader with his church’s youth group, leading small groups, and speaking and teaching whenever he gets the chance. Andy blogs daily about discipleship at andyblanks.com.

2. Youth workers are leaders
God has called us to youth ministry and placed us in his church. He has also given us everything we need to finish his mission in that church. I believe each youth worker can have confidence that God is by his or her side. With that confidence we should lead students, adult volunteers, parents and church leaders in the completion of God’s work.

3. Adult volunteers are key to youth ministry
The size of a youth ministry is determined by the number of adults that in significant spiritual relationship with students. Butts in seats don’t matter, relationships do. I believe we must spend significant amounts of time and resources equipping and training our adult volunteers.

4. Parents are the primary faith influencers in students’ lives
I believe parents are to take the lead role in the students’ spiritual growth. The youth worker is to come along side the parents to help them and provide resources to assist them in students’ growth. If students don’t have parents who are Christ followers (Or parents who don’t care) then the youth worker takes the lead.

5. Students can lead now
If we continue to treat students like participants they will continue to leave the church after high school and not return. If we allow them to lead they will become owners and will see how their giftedness benefits the body and brings joy to their lives. Students are not the future; they can lead now.

1. Personal

Start the mentoring sessions by talking about how the mentee is doing. What is happening in his/her life? How do they feel and what are their concerns. This will allow the mentor and mentee to connect and build community. This could also help each of them to remember the things they talked about the week before. This time is important for building trust.

2. Priority

What are the priorities and goals of the mentee for the week? Priorities give insight into the values of the mentee. They give the mentor good opportunities to ask follow-up questions and to dig deeper into the mentee’s life.  The answers to these questions will give the mentor indication of what the mentee needs to work on to grow in their walk with Christ.

3. Problems

The question the mentor wants to ask is “what problems are you facing and how can I help?” This question gives the mentee the opportunity to ask for help or seek advice. Often times the mentee comes to the mentoring sessions with questions and needs certain issues addressed in their lives.

4. Plan

This question is designed to help the mentee begin to think about a plan to reach his/her goals with the advice the mentee has acquired from the mentor. Discussing this plan gives the mentor the opportunity to ask questions about potential obstacles or road blocks the mentee might face.  Once a plan is put in place, the mentor needs to ask the mentee if they can hold them accountable for executing the plan. This part of the mentoring session is where the real growth will take place. The mentee knowing that the mentor will hold them accountable is more likely to carry out the plan and because of it experience growth.

5. Pray

Before praying together, take some time to share weakness and areas of life that need accountability. Then pray together. There is no better way to carry each other’s burdens then to pray with and for each other. Pray through the priorities, problems and plans the mentee has. Draw near to God and have him draw near to the both of you. Don’t just end your time in prayer, like it’s a check list item. This is a sacred time; be aware that God makes us for community and to share in each other’s struggles.

If you are not currently mentoring someone because you don’t know what to say, I hope these 5 P’s will encourage you to look for someone in your life who you can mentor. Mentoring has the power to guide people to Christ who are going through life’s ups and downs.

How Do You Leave a Ministry?

How do you leave something that you love? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for the past couple of weeks. On October 4th, I put in my 60 day notice at my church. I’ve been here four years and have loved every step of the way. We had always assumed that we would be at Greenwood forever, but about six months ago, God became to change our hearts and as a result we feel he’s re-ignited our passions for missions and church planting. We were always planning to church plant, we just thought that we be overseas and not in America. It’s been such a growing process for our family. Now that our decision is public, we have to deal with everything that comes from resigning from a ministry. Here are some things that I’m working through. The list isn’t perfect (or complete), but it gives you a chance to see my heart and maybe be encouraged.

1. Think about who you need to tell first

When you decide to leave a church, you need to be intentional about who you tell first. The last thing that you want happening is for the news to get out and be uncontrolled. For us, I told my team first. They have poured themselves out for the sake of the cross and I wanted them to hear the news from me. Laura and I even met with our Senior class (we’ve known them for 4 years) and told them in our living room. Lots of tears were shed that day! I encourage you to think through how you want to let people know and when. When I turned in my official letter of resignation, I specifically asked, that they allow me to tell students, parents, and my leaders. The church was very gracious and that allowed me to do a lot of telling before we officially announced in during Sunday services.

2. Expect to be a lame duck

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to deal with is the feeling that I’m a lame duck. Don’t get me wrong, I totally expected this to happen (and it should have), but it still takes you by surprise. One minute you are leading a team and have influence to shape stuff. That hasn’t gone away for me, but it has changed significantly. Use your time to give positive input. Let others around you rise up and become the new leaders. Use your influence to prepare them for greatness through Christ.

3. Let go

I turned in a 60 day notice. I think you should too. It gives everyone time to adjust and allows the shock of you leaving to wear off a bit. If you choose to give a long notice (like I have), then expect that once you become “lame duck” (I don’t mean that in a bad way), that you’ll see yourself becoming defensive of changes being made to the programs you’ve led. We need to realize that the ministry will change. Things will not go to pot. Christ is sufficient for all. The Holy Spirit wants to see success. I constantly find myself saying, “Be ok with things if they don’t do it your way. Your way isn’t necessarily the only way.” You should probably start telling yourself that too.

4. Tell those you care about how you feel

It goes without saying that you will have developed some strong relationships with people in your church. Sure, every church has people you’d rather not see or talk to, but I bet you’ve got some close friendships. Be sure to tell everyone you can what you’ve appreciated about them. Being thankful for how God has blessed you  is a disciple. Even if you’re leaving from a bad situation, God’s blessing wasn’t void. He always blesses (regardless of how some people may treat you).

5. Leave the bridges intact

Resist the temptation to use your new status “leaving” in a bad way. I had one well meaning lady (which I love) tell me that I should let people know what things need to change around my church now that I’m leaving. I chose not to do that. Sure, I have TONS of opinions, but it is not my place. I do not want to knick, hurt, or destroy any bridges here at Greenwood. I want to do everything possible to live at peace with everyone (See Romans 12:18). My opinions might be good opinions, but that doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone. Don’t volunteer your thoughts unless asked.

6. Prepare the way for the next guy/girl

Do everything you can to leave well and prepare for the next person coming into the ministry. God will give them a heart for the same people that you have loved. God will use them to shepherd the same situations you’ve been involved in. If we do not prepare for a solid transition, we could be adding fire to transition stress. I’ve went out of my way to tell people that life will go on without me. I’ve told students that the next guy (I have no idea who he is) will be awesome and they’ll love him. I’m mentioned that God is preparing a special person to love them and he’ll do a great job. Be that type of a leader. It’s not all about me (or you) leaving. Think with the end in mind for that ministry. Do no harm.

What are things that I’ve missed or that you’re learning?

1. Make it cool
Its a privilege to serve Jesus all the days of your life, but we never tell students that. For God to make you a faithful servant in his kingdom is cool. To be an example of dependability means God trusts you and will give you many gifts and opportunities to serve him. Celebrate the first in, and give them confidence that God has done a special work in their lives.

2. Legacy
Teach students the power of legacy. Allow them to meet some of the faithful members of your church so they can see how a life lived for Christ can make a difference. Ask students why they think God has placed a special calling on their lives? Ask them what responsibility they have to serve? Challenge them to think about when they are 70, and how many people they will have influenced. Paint the picture for them of living a legacy.

3. Elite servants
I believe God has ordained some for special missions. Missions that require in-depth training. The training that I received from my parents and grandparents has given me a depth to my life that I would never have by just studying God’s word as an adult. I have a depth of faith that comes from years and years of seeing God work. I am more quick to take risks and I believe in the power of God, unlike many of my Christian brothers. As youth workers we need to challenge these types of students at a much deeper level. Instead of placing them on a pedestal and saying, “they got it,” lets challenge them to lead and take on special missions for Christ.

2. Spend 50% of your time on developing your adult volunteers …. include yourself in that 50%

3. Write five (5) short encouragement notes to students each day. Mail the notes the old fashion way.

4. Teach grace. In a real clear way help students understand God’s grace in their lives.

5. Spend time alone. Pray, listen and reflect.

6. Wander the aisles of Target or Walmart to come up with new and fun activities. 

7. Live your passion. Allow students to see your passion so they’ll know that passion makes life fun.

8. Eat Chicago deep dish pizza

9. Develop a methodology for creativity and teach it to students. 

the student.  I believe youth workers have figured this out. Sales of
resources for the youth ministry market are down. Some due to the
economy and some due to the fact that youth workers are a lot smarter
these days. Here at LeaderTreks we are working to write material that
will challenge students are the highest levels. If you want to see
some great resources check out YM360, they are making some incredible
stuff. I want to applaud youth workers for not buying crappy
materials. Publishers want to sell you materials, the more we push for
those resources to be challenging the better job publishers will do.

Risk Taking
Risk taking is a key to being a champion. Teams become comfortable and content. A defining moment for a champion is that moment in time when they stand up, take a risk and push their team on to better things. Risk is the power to leap frog a team into success. We teach our students that timing is everything when taking a risk. Whether it be when a team is down and out or when they are working well together a champion can stand up take a risk and champion their team onto greatness.

Problem Solving
A champion must also be able to solve problems. In order to teach students to solve problems we prescribe a simple process:
First of all be sure you are solving the right problem. Often times students try to solve problems but begin solving the wrong problem. I was once with a team who was convinced that the problem was that weak people kept spilling wheel barrels on a large concrete pour. They “solved” the problem by not allowing girls to run wheel barrels. They soon realized that guys were just as apt to spilling wheel barrels. They had solved the wrong problem. Eventually they realized that all they had to do was put less concrete in the wheel barrels.

That night we had to do some major problem solving as the girls came to the team hurt and unappreciated. That night when we met together as a team one of the guys in our group immediately spoke up admitting the team’s wrong and began to reconcile the team using simple conflict resolution steps he had learned in pre-trip training.

Conflict Resolution
The following steps are vital in conflict resolution
-Let each person state his/her views
-Have neutral team members identify areas of agreement
-Explore areas of disagreement
-Have opponents suggest modifications to theirs/others point of view
-Ask opponents to accept team decision

That night the team dealt with the issues that had arisen during the work project, came to an agreement and moved on. The team made the correct changes this time and pushed hard for the next days of work.

Teams who have champions accomplish so much. At LeaderTreks we believe students can be leaders and champions. A champion is proficient in risk taking, problem solving and conflict resolution; all it takes is a little instruction and encouragement to see a student become a champion for their team. Often times student leaders look to someone else to carry the team. They worry about what people think more than getting the job done.