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Having a Mentoring System

Doug Franklin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:20:23 +0000

My friend Mac Lake is a genius at mentoring. Mac and I were talking about how to organize a quality mentoring sessions, a simple way for a mentor to walk a mentee through a comfortable conversation. So often we get into a mentoring relationship and we don’t know what to say. So Mac developed this Five P question plan and he is allowing me to share with you.

1. Personal

Start the mentoring sessions by talking about how the mentee is doing. What is happening in his/her life? How do they feel and what are their concerns. This will allow the mentor and mentee to connect and build community. This could also help each of them to remember the things they talked about the week before. This time is important for building trust.

2. Priority

What are the priorities and goals of the mentee for the week? Priorities give insight into the values of the mentee. They give the mentor good opportunities to ask follow-up questions and to dig deeper into the mentee’s life. The answers to these questions will give the mentor indication of what the mentee needs to work on to grow in their walk with Christ.

3. Problems

The question the mentor wants to ask is “what problems are you facing and how can I help?” This question gives the mentee the opportunity to ask for help or seek advice. Often times the mentee comes to the mentoring sessions with questions and needs certain issues addressed in their lives.

4. Plan

This question is designed to help the mentee begin to think about a plan to reach his/her goals with the advice the mentee has acquired from the mentor. Discussing this plan gives the mentor the opportunity to ask questions about potential obstacles or road blocks the mentee might face. Once a plan is put in place, the mentor needs to ask the mentee if they can hold them accountable for executing the plan. This part of the mentoring session is where the real growth will take place. The mentee knowing that the mentor will hold them accountable is more likely to carry out the plan and because of it experience growth.

5. Pray

Before praying together, take some time to share weakness and areas of life that need accountability. Then pray together. There is no better way to carry each other’s burdens then to pray with and for each other. Pray through the priorities, problems and plans the mentee has. Draw near to God and have him draw near to the both of you. Don’t just end your time in prayer, like it’s a check list item. This is a sacred time; be aware that God makes us for community and to share in each other’s struggles.

If you are not currently mentoring someone because you don’t know what to say, I hope these 5 P’s will encourage you to look for someone in your life who you can mentor. Mentoring has the power to guide people to Christ who are going through life’s ups and downs.

Signs of Rejection

Doug Franklin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:42:36 +0000

The fear of rejection is powerful. Think of the first time you liked another person and how much you cared about whether they liked you or not. We think more about rejection as kids then we do as adults. No wonder we miss the signs when a student feels rejected by us. Being rejected by an adult is devastating for a student because they often feel rejected by their peers as well. Having no one in your corner leaves you feeling alone and abandoned. We need to ask the question, “do any students I am currently working with feel rejected by me?” Signs students feel rejected by their youth worker:

1. Won’t answer questions
When students feel rejected they won’t trust adults enough to share any insights or feelings. Asking a student, “what’s wrong?” won’t help either. Asking if you have offended or hurt them will help. Explaining that you care and want a good relationship will give the student permission to share how they have been hurt.

2. Disappear from church
When students are rejected they quit coming. We tend to think they don’t like the program or something has changed at home. So connecting with students who have left your ministry is important. Even if you have not been the one to reject them, it’s important to connect and care for them.

3. Make spiteful comments
Students lash out when they have been hurt. If a student starts to make hurtful comments about other adults then most likely they have been hurt by that adult. Ask them where that comment is coming from and often they will tell you about how they have felt rejected.

Not all of these signs means a student has felt rejected but they are clues. Listen closely to your students for they are telling us many things.

Evaluating Leadership

Doug Franklin — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:55:42 +0000

How do you determine if you are a good leader? Most of us measure ourselves against the leaders in our lives. Maybe we look at the senior pastor of our church and measure ourselves against his/her leadership or we look to a business leader we know and ask ourselves the same question. Is this a good way to determine your leadership competency? Not really, because who knows what kind of leader those people are. A better way is to look over your shoulder and see who is following you. What do the people look like who are your disciples? Are they humble, kind, generous? Do they live the vision you are calling them to? Are they responsible and willing to sacrifice to accomplish the mission? Are they energized or are they defeated? Here are few action steps of solid leaders:

1. Care about followers
People only follow people who care about them. Have you connected one on one with all your people in the last seven days? If you have not make it a priority to have a personal word of encouragement with all of them soon.

2. Clear vision
Make sure all your people know what success looks like for this year and this week. When we cast a clear vision people will be energized to follow it.

3. Personally live the mission
Before we can ask others to live the mission we must live it ourselves. Have we made sure that our followers see us doing the things we are challenging them to do?

4. People before tasks
Do our followers know that we value them over the mission or as much as the mission? This is a bit of a repeat but people must know you care about them before you can lead them.

5. Giving away leadership
Our number one goal as leaders is to look for people to take our place. Are you giving away leadership or are you taking credit? Giving away leadership will make you more successful and lead to greater impact.

Powerful Words

Doug Franklin — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:49:43 +0000

What are the most powerful words in the world? Student ministry is a lot about words. Students are always debating who said what and what did they mean when they said such and such. Words mean a lot to students. Youth workers think a lot about words as well. We think that if we craft a great sermon or talk about sex it could keep students away from a bad relationship. We like to think that students listen to what we say and that if we say it the right way with the right words change will take place. Words do have power but not in the way we think. I don’t remember anything my youth pastor said to me expect when he said words of encouragement. The words we say in talks, sermons and Bible studies carry little weight but when we says words of encouragement we are saying the most powerful words in the word.

The Value of Knowing Your Strengths

Doug Franklin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:11:50 +0000

Leadership starts with “know thyself.”  It’s obvious when you see a great leader in action that they are comfortable in their own skin.  They know who they are and what they do best.  They don’t waste time and energy trying to do those things that are difficult or counterproductive. Instead they focus on developing the team they need to be able to reach their goals.

This sounds easy but in reality almost every leader I know struggles with this concept at some point.  Maybe you have felt the pressure being the only one who can do the job even though you don’t like doing it.  Or it’s possible that you have been frustrated with aspects of your job without really knowing why.  So, how do we avoid putting yourself in these situations as a leader?  Here are a couple of key ideas to think through:

#1  Know your strengths
The first step you must take down this path is to know what your strengths are.  A surprising number of people in leadership positions have very little knowledge about their strengths.  Our society has programmed us to focus on improving our weaknesses instead of developing our strengths.  This leads to a dangerous position.  What usually happens to leaders who do a good job is that they are quickly given more responsibility.  This can be great if that new responsibility aligns with your strengths.  It can be devastating, however, when those new responsibilities are not in sync with your giftedness.  A leader in that position has very little chance of success.  By knowing your strengths you can say “yes” to leadership responsibilities that will grow you and help you become a better leader.

There are some amazing resources available that will help you pin point your strengths.  Marcus Buckingham has written several books on this subject, the best being Now Discover Your Strengths.  LeaderTreks also offers a workshop on this subject called Leadership Design.  This class will help you identify your core values, your strengths, and your priorities in ministry.  You will then take a look at how to integrate all three into your ministry plan.  If you would like more information about Leadership Design check out our website athttp://www.leadertreks.org/youth-worker-coaching-events/

#2  Know how to help others discover their strengths
The best way to delegate is to empower.  We can empower our followers by helping them discover the strengths and talents they have.  This discovery process will help them find a role in your ministry or organization that will be fulfilling and rewarding for them.  This is the best way to develop teammates who are with you for the long haul.  It will also free you from doing things that don’t fit you while encouraging others to find places that do fit them.  Here’s what this process might look like:

Start by making a list of all the staff and volunteers that you oversee.  Think about each one for a couple of minutes.  What jobs do they naturally gravitate toward?  What is their personality like?  Are they organized, relational, intellectual, creative, etc?  What tasks seem to make them the most excited and energized?  The answers to these questions will help you determine what strengths your volunteers possess.  It’s also a good idea to talk this topic over with your team members.  Help them to understand what strengths are and how to start to identify them in their own lives.

Once you have a good idea about your strengths and the strengths of your volunteers it’s time to start dividing up the responsibilities.  This is the environment that will allow your team to work at its peak efficiency.  Both you and your team will be more energized and fulfilled as everyone contributes from his or her area of strength.  You will also know who you need to recruit to fill key roles that everyone on the team can do well. Knowing your strengths and the strengths of those around you will help you avoid the frustrations of failed delegation.

The “Even If” Principle

Doug Franklin — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 19:12:44 +0000

In Daniel 3 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were all standing in front the fire. In other words they were standing at death’s door. King Nebuchadnezzar was angry. He didn’t just want to kill them, he wanted to make an example of them. Before he throws them in he lets them say a few words and basically they say, “We love God and we are willing to die for him.” They go on and say “Even if God doesn’t save us we are willing to die.” This “Even If” principle got me thinking. What am I willing to do even if God doesn’t show up and bless me? Am I willing to keep making resources and experiences for students even if no ones recognizes me for it? Am I willing to work with small churches and youth workers who just need to talk instead of being the one who gets to talk? Am I willing to put aside celebrity for impact? I want to say I am but …. it’s hard to get rid of the BUT …. I wonder how these guys were able to stand at that furnace and make that commitment? This maturing in faith is tough.

How about you? What are willing to do for God “Even If”?

The Frustration of Youth Workers

Doug Franklin — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:49:36 +0000

I get an uneasy feeling when I am around youth workers. They are seldom settled, like they’re constantly trying to figure out what is next in their life. The older youth guys who have spent 20 plus years in the ministry don’t give me this vibe but there are so few of them, so they don’t affect the meter. I am not totally sure of the reason for this but maybe it has to do with life change. This past weekend, I was with five different youth workers, all different ages and at different places in their ministries, all of them going through change. So managing change has to be part of the youth worker’s world. I don’t think many of them realize that and it leads to frustration. Frustrations can play tricks on your mind or lead you to think that you know more than your senior pastors or church leaders. It can make you think you’re the victim and that every parent is out to get you. After all you are the only one who gets students. Frustration is a wicked bedfellow. So how do we deal with frustration?

1. Realize change is part of life
I feel like I spent my 20′s trying to reach stability. In relationships, finances, and a bunch of other stuff. Not to mention trying to figure out what God was calling me to do. Everyone told me to find stability, but no one told me I probably wouldn’t find it. I just wish someone would have told me searching is a good thing and it doesn’t mean you’re any less spiritual if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do. Chill, listen and gain experiences. Freak out in your thirties.

2. Value learning over leading
Just because you are in a leadership position doesn’t mean you should stop learning. A young learner is more respected than a young leader. Many youth workers are frustrated that they are not respected as a leader. Change your attitude to being one of a learner and this problem is solved.

3. Seek Ye First
What are you seeking? Answer the question because the answer will reveal a lot about you and your mindset. When the answer is …. “the kingdom of God” then everything else will fall into place.

Valuing Faithfulness

Doug Franklin — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 22:06:33 +0000

Jesus tells this story of a land owner who wants to hire men. He goes to the market where people looking for work hang-out. The land owner starts at 6am and hires a few guys and comes back throughout the day hiring anyone who is willing to work. He hires his last man around 5pm giving them just one hour to work. As you know, the land owner decides to pay every man equally making the men hired in the early morning angry. In this story, Jesus is the land owner and we are the hired workers. We tell this story to illustrate why God lets people go to heaven who come to know him in the last days and hours of their lives. What about the men hired early in the day or the students who accept Christ early in life?They have no real story of transformation to tell, no story of drug abuse or near death conversation. How do we encourage them with what God is doing in their lives? How do we express the value to them of following Christ for their wholes lives? I believe we need to place a higher value on faithfulness. We need to tell stories of whole lives that are given to Christ. Here is my idea; ask senior men and women from your church to come to your youth group and tell stories of faithfulness. I would call these legacy stories. Students need to see the value for being hired early and for spending a whole life serving their Lord.

Critical Thinking Requires Confidence

Doug Franklin — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 19:00:19 +0000

As leaders, critical thinking is very important. Critical thinking is the ability to make good judgements and to act with wisdom. Critical thinking is making decisions based on a standard. For Christ followers, the standard is God’s word. But many of us struggle with making good decisions not because we don’t know God’s commands but because we don’t know ourselves. If you struggle with low self-esteem then you will struggle with critical thinking. If you make decisions through the filter of “how will this decision make me look to others” then you are making the wrong decision and your critical thinking is going to be poor. Confidence in yourself and who God has made you to be allows you to make decisions through the filter of “what is the best thing to do to bring God glory?” Decisions based on this filter will bring you success. Confidence comes when you know the following:

1. Your strengths
What you are truly gifted to do. Buy the Strength Finders 2.0 book and go through the assessment.

2. Your passions
What you love to do.

3. Your vision
What you believe God has called you to do.

5 Skills of a Small Group Leader

Doug Franklin — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 20:38:32 +0000

Most youth workers spend their time on programing and relationship building. Both are very good things. But are they the most effective use of your time? Is there a better way to grow students spiritually and grow your youth ministry? I personally believe there is. Investing time in your small group leaders can give you the best bang for your buck. You can have a transformational relationship with about 3-5 students at a time, if you’re Superman. If you invest your time into ten adult volunteer leaders they can have transformational relationships with about 30-50 students at a time. So here is the real problem; most youth workers don’t know how to train their adult volunteers how to discipleship a student. I know that is a bold statement but it’s true. Ask any youth workers what is their strategy for developing adult volunteers and they don’t have an answer. So let me help get you stated; here are five (5) skills every small group leader should be working on.

1. Teaching for transformation
The first skill our small group leaders (SGL) need to have is the ability to teach for transformation. They need to be able to deliver content in a way that makes students want to listen and allows their passion for Christ to shine through. Most SGL are trying to survive the night. They might even say to the students, “just let me get through this material and then you can have fun.” Teachers must know how to internalize the Bible story and bring it to life through stories of their own life. This will let their passion through and allow students to see how the Biblical truth can be applied to one’s life.

2. Lead a Discussion
Leading a student discussion on the Bible can be one of the hardest things an adult will ever do. They must open discussion to a group of people who often don’t want to discuss or want to discuss to much. Students don’t have the maturity often to know what is approbate to share. So the adult leader must carefully give freedom while keeping their eyes on healthy boundaries all at the same time. Always remember to ask open ended questions and don’t allow students to give one word answers. If you think a student has more to share, asked them to take the answer deeper or to drill down a bit. This invitation will let students know it’s OK to share. Also always respond when a student gives you an answer. Say something like “great thought” or “good insight.” These encouraging words will also indicate to the students that it’s a safe environment to share.

3. Be Experiential
Students don’t learn much from hearing you talk. In fact they learn very little. Bring the lesson to life by allowing the students to do an activity that gets them thinking about the theme of the lesson. Be creative and outside the box. For example, a friend was teaching on heaven. He gave the students a commercial role of toliet paper and challenged them to unroll it without breaking it. The students unrolled it through the church out the door, across the parking lot and down one block. When the students had finished the challenge they was a great shout of joy! Then my friend called them over to the end of the roll and placed a dot on the end of the paper with a pen. He explained to the students that the dot represented the first 100 years they would spend in heaven. The students all understood “eternity” from that lesson. When we make experiences with memories we help students to learn.

4. Challenge Students to Apply
We must challenge students to make applications from God’s word. If we just read stories from the Bible and call it a day then our students will leave the church as soon as they get out of High School. Students must apply scripture in order for them to make it their own. You can’t ask students to own their faith without asking them to own the ministry. A good application has a who, what, when and where to it. This makes it measurable. When a student makes an application like, “I want to love my brother more” you can bet he won’t do it. If he says, “I will care for my brother on Monday when he gets home from school by making him his favorite snack,” there is good chance he will do that. Make sure students are making measurable applications, otherwise you are wasting their time.

5. Find a Replacement
We should all be mentoring someone to take our place. If we are doing any ministry, part of our job description should be to develop someone who can take your leadership role. If we were to do this then our churches would never run out of leaders and the kingdom of God would grow.

Train your adults volunteers to develop these skills and your youth ministry will deepen and grow.