Nick Farr, who describes himself as an ‘everything pastor’ (you know, the guys who do a little of everything) wrote a fantastic post a couple of months ago about how to leave a ministry, and how to do it well. You can check out his blog at http://www.everythingpastor.com/. I am reposting this blog with his permission.

How Do You Leave a Ministry?

How do you leave something that you love? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for the past couple of weeks. On October 4th, I put in my 60 day notice at my church. I’ve been here four years and have loved every step of the way. We had always assumed that we would be at Greenwood forever, but about six months ago, God became to change our hearts and as a result we feel he’s re-ignited our passions for missions and church planting. We were always planning to church plant, we just thought that we be overseas and not in America. It’s been such a growing process for our family. Now that our decision is public, we have to deal with everything that comes from resigning from a ministry. Here are some things that I’m working through. The list isn’t perfect (or complete), but it gives you a chance to see my heart and maybe be encouraged.

1. Think about who you need to tell first

When you decide to leave a church, you need to be intentional about who you tell first. The last thing that you want happening is for the news to get out and be uncontrolled. For us, I told my team first. They have poured themselves out for the sake of the cross and I wanted them to hear the news from me. Laura and I even met with our Senior class (we’ve known them for 4 years) and told them in our living room. Lots of tears were shed that day! I encourage you to think through how you want to let people know and when. When I turned in my official letter of resignation, I specifically asked, that they allow me to tell students, parents, and my leaders. The church was very gracious and that allowed me to do a lot of telling before we officially announced in during Sunday services.

2. Expect to be a lame duck

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to deal with is the feeling that I’m a lame duck. Don’t get me wrong, I totally expected this to happen (and it should have), but it still takes you by surprise. One minute you are leading a team and have influence to shape stuff. That hasn’t gone away for me, but it has changed significantly. Use your time to give positive input. Let others around you rise up and become the new leaders. Use your influence to prepare them for greatness through Christ.

3. Let go

I turned in a 60 day notice. I think you should too. It gives everyone time to adjust and allows the shock of you leaving to wear off a bit. If you choose to give a long notice (like I have), then expect that once you become “lame duck” (I don’t mean that in a bad way), that you’ll see yourself becoming defensive of changes being made to the programs you’ve led. We need to realize that the ministry will change. Things will not go to pot. Christ is sufficient for all. The Holy Spirit wants to see success. I constantly find myself saying, “Be ok with things if they don’t do it your way. Your way isn’t necessarily the only way.” You should probably start telling yourself that too.

4. Tell those you care about how you feel

It goes without saying that you will have developed some strong relationships with people in your church. Sure, every church has people you’d rather not see or talk to, but I bet you’ve got some close friendships. Be sure to tell everyone you can what you’ve appreciated about them. Being thankful for how God has blessed you  is a disciple. Even if you’re leaving from a bad situation, God’s blessing wasn’t void. He always blesses (regardless of how some people may treat you).

5. Leave the bridges intact

Resist the temptation to use your new status “leaving” in a bad way. I had one well meaning lady (which I love) tell me that I should let people know what things need to change around my church now that I’m leaving. I chose not to do that. Sure, I have TONS of opinions, but it is not my place. I do not want to knick, hurt, or destroy any bridges here at Greenwood. I want to do everything possible to live at peace with everyone (See Romans 12:18). My opinions might be good opinions, but that doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone. Don’t volunteer your thoughts unless asked.

6. Prepare the way for the next guy/girl

Do everything you can to leave well and prepare for the next person coming into the ministry. God will give them a heart for the same people that you have loved. God will use them to shepherd the same situations you’ve been involved in. If we do not prepare for a solid transition, we could be adding fire to transition stress. I’ve went out of my way to tell people that life will go on without me. I’ve told students that the next guy (I have no idea who he is) will be awesome and they’ll love him. I’m mentioned that God is preparing a special person to love them and he’ll do a great job. Be that type of a leader. It’s not all about me (or you) leaving. Think with the end in mind for that ministry. Do no harm.

What are things that I’ve missed or that you’re learning?

Leadership pride comes from a misunderstanding of leadership. People who derive leadership from their title are often times suffering from
pride. So don’t be surprised when student leaders get the idea they are important because they are titled “student leader.”  Most of the students leaders I have worked with struggle with pride and power. Teaching students servant leadership is essential, otherwise their peers are going to reject their leadership. Students hate leaders who want to lead from the top. They are attracted to leaders who serve. So how do we get students to act more like servants than tyrants?

1. Training before position
Don’t start with position, start with the Biblical basis for leadership. Show students strong examples of good leadership from scripture. LeaderTreks offers lots of resources that help with this. Cast the vision for service by explaining the power of caring for people even if they don’t care for you back.

2. Teach problem solving
Most often students think about leadership in terms of telling others what to do. This is wrong. Present students with case studies of people and teams facing a problem. Ask them what they would do to solve the problem. Drill down and ask them how their solutions would affect people. Spend most of your time dealing with how people feel when a solution is reached. This is where leadership really hits the fan. You should have some great discussions. Leadership is most often a balancing act and students will learn this when they wrestle with good decisions vs. how people feel about a decision.

3. Change title
Leader is a powerful word and most students have already decided how they feel about leaders. Change the title of your leadership team, just don’t make it cheesy. If the point of the team is to serve put the word service in the name.

I’ve written an e-book called Student Leaders are Church Leaders and I’m giving it away for free.

Student Leaders are Church Leaders provides a simple way to weave student leadership development into the fabric of your ministry. You don’t have to start over, add another program to your already long list, or scratch your current plan. Youth ministry is still about outreach, evangelism, discipleship, missions, and worship; it’s just better when led by students. This book will help you understand the theory of student leadership while giving you practical steps you can take to give your students ownership of the ministry. Whether you have a student leadership program or you want to start one, this book will help your students lead now.

Download a free copy of Student Leaders are Church Leaders at http://www.leadertreks.org/ebooks/

The fear of rejection is powerful. Think of the first time you liked another person and how much you cared about whether they liked you or not. We think more about rejection as kids then we do as adults. No wonder we miss the signs when a student feels rejected by us. Being rejected by an adult is devastating for a student because they often feel rejected by their peers as well. Having no one in your corner leaves you feeling alone and abandoned. We need to ask the question, “do any students I am currently working with feel rejected by me?” Signs students feel rejected by their youth worker:

1. Won’t answer questions
When students feel rejected they won’t  trust adults enough to share any insights or feelings. Asking a student, “what’s wrong?” won’t help either. Asking if you have offended or hurt them will help. Explaining that you care and want a good relationship will give the student permission to share how they have been hurt.

2. Disappear from church
When students are rejected they quit coming. We tend to think they don’t like the program or something has changed at home. So connecting with students who have left your ministry is important. Even if you have not been the one to reject them, it’s important to connect and care for them.

3. Make spiteful comments
Students lash out when they have been hurt. If a student starts to make hurtful comments about other adults then most likely they have been hurt by that adult. Ask them where that comment is coming from and often they will tell you about how they have felt rejected.

Not all of these signs means a student has felt rejected but they are clues. Listen closely to your students for they are telling us many things.