Struggling

Mar 10 2010 Author: Doug Franklin Filed under: Leadership, Youth Ministry, Youth Worker

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I am overwhelmed by how many youth workers have a sour relationship with their sr. pastor. So many youth workers coming into my office telling me stories that break my heart. In fact I have had to look hard to find a youth worker with a good relationship with their sr. pastor. There are a few out there but they are rare.

This got our publishing team thinking: what if we surveyed youth workers and sr. pastors to see what the problem was. So we did – we asked a bunch of pastors from both camps to help us out. The information was interesting and somewhat consistent. To summarize: youth workers value impact, not years spent on the job, while sr. pastors wanted respect for years on the job. There is a lot more to it than this but you will have to read the book to get all the information.

My struggle is what do I call this book – so far I got “My Sr. Pastor Sucks” which many youth workers have told me they love but falls right into the thinking by sr. pastors that youth workers don’t respect them. I would love your thoughts…..

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7 Responses to “Struggling”

Don
March 11th, 2010 at 1:11 am

How Ironic! I just spent an hour composing an email asking someone who has been meeting with myself,our Deacon Chairman, and our Sr Pastor why I hear nothing but silence from him.

So its all on me? I dont respect his years in ministry…according to your survey? I definitely will consider that.

Re a title for the book I think we need more info.

I do look forward to your posts daily, Keep On
Doug Franklin
March 11th, 2010 at 10:01 am

Don

Thanks for sharing your story – please hear me, I don’t think its your fault. I am just saying that Sr. pastors and youth pastors often have a different value system. The youth pastor values impact and the Sr. pastors tend to value time served. Know this is not the only problem, there are many others but in general we found this was the start of the most problems.

I prayed this morning that you and your pastor would just talk. I am praying that this situation will not hurt your church or your desire to serve long-term.
Luis Menjivar
March 16th, 2010 at 1:27 pm

I just attended a Youth Ministry Conference in which the common joke was about the senior pastor. I felt sad because, honestly… I love my senior pastor and I have compassion for youth workers who don’t have a good relationship with theirs. I thanked my senior pastor for being so supportive, strong, and a great role model for doing life as a minister. I suppose I’m one of the rare ones who has a great relationship with their senior pastor.

As far as a title: Not knowing what your book is about…here are some shots in the dark:

‘Building a Bridge to Your Sr. Pastor’
‘The most important relationship for your YM is… the one with your Sr. Pastor’
‘The key to your YM: your relationship with your Sr. Pastor’

BTW- I purchased your ‘Leadership 365′ and I’m finding it VERY helpful as we launch our student leadership team. We’re having an informational meeting and I already found your book and blog insightful. Thank you for what you do!

blessings,
Luis
Todd
April 8th, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Very interesting indeed. I am volunteer helping with our church’s youth program and work directly with the youth pastor. Maybe that makes me immune to these issues as it is not my source of income. I can see where these issues can arise and become a hindrance toward effective ministry (both for the youth minister and the senior pastor).

As I was thinking of a name for the book, I kept coming back to the topic of marriage. Love and Respect. Two key elements in marriage that seem to be the two components that you mentioned are plaguing this particular relationship, and if you think about it, I am sure that most of the issues that arise between these two people are very similar to what most married fold deal with.

So, maybe something along the lines of making a pun toward that comparison?

“Love and Respect: The Tale of Two Pastors”
?
Doug Franklin
April 8th, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Todd – great comment … I have read the book Love and Respect and you are correct its much like a marriage relationship. I appreciate your comment
Eric Hill
April 13th, 2010 at 10:32 pm

I think one key element that causes friction between student pastors and senior pastors is a misunderstanding or lack thereof regarding each others strengths / weaknesses. I think there are a lot of leaders who lead with an expectation that everyone else should lead as they do. Or, as i have heard it put before…”your weakness can become your strengths overused.” I would bet that most senior pastors are interested in understanding how they can help their staff work more efficiently. Unfortunately, I think the motive behind efficiency is sometimes the “bigger is better” mentality. We usually stereotype and become rigid when we don’t fully understand how to manage ourselves rightly first!

I have a friend / mentor whose personal mission statement reads like this. “Committed to leading myself well so that I properly steward the life that has been given to me.” I really connect with this statement! When i am committed to leading myself well first, i have even more confidence in leading others well. I approach situations differently! I seek to understand before being understood. I’m not to good at this unfortunately. As a strategic thinking influencer, i usually want to power my point through with passion…only to find that there are people lying in the dust of my strengths! My strengths have become my weaknesses.

I recently read the book TRIBES by Seth Godin which i highly, highly recommend. (thanks Doug!) Every page is full of insightful leadership realities. One of the topics is “Leaders help increase the effectiveness of the TRIBE and its members by:
(1) transforming the shared interest into a passionate goal and desire for change.
(2) providing tools to allow members to tighten their communications
(3) leveraging the tribe to allow it to grow and gain new members.
He goes on to say, “most leaders focus only on the third tactic. a bigger tribe somehow equals a better tribe. in fact, the first two tactics almost always lead to more impact. every action you take a leader can affect these three elements, and the challenge is to figure out which one to maximize.”

i wonder if shared interest could include a commitment to understanding each others gifts?

i also wonder if providing tools in understanding each other would tighten or shrink the great divide of stereotyping that so often happens between the senior pastor and student pastor.?

Maybe we should spend less time trying to change each other, and more time leveraging the team to grow and mature with the understanding that CHRIST is the head…we are the body. If we want to be the body, we better start paying more attention to our own personal stewardship! It will not only lead to a better understanding of ourselves, but the ability to see the beauty of difference in others.
Eric Hill
April 13th, 2010 at 10:34 pm

LOL…in the first paragraph, i meant to say…”Your STRENGTHS overused can become your WEAKNESS”

thanks

My name is Doug Franklin and I serve youth workers through a ministry called LeaderTreks. I love youth ministry and the people who serve in it. I work with an incredible team creating tools and resources enabling youth workers to develop students into leaders. I want to influence youth workers to challenge students and prepare them for leadership in the kingdom of God.
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